How to Make Your Arranged Marriage Work


Marriage, a sacred bond, has been practiced in various forms across different cultures. One such form is the arranged marriage. But what happens when we merge this age-old practice with Christian principles? Let’s explore.

What is an Arranged Marriage?

Historically, arranged marriages were unions orchestrated primarily by families or matchmakers. The primary consideration was often societal or economic benefits rather than personal affection. In many cultures, it’s a respected tradition, upholding values of family, continuity, and stability.

Christianity and Marriage

Christianity perceives marriage as a covenant between a man, a woman, and God. It’s not just a social contract but a spiritual commitment. In Ephesians 5:25, it says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This passage highlights the depth of commitment expected in a Christian marriage.

Merging the Two: Arranged Marriages in Christianity

  1. Guidance, not Force: When infused with Christian values, arranged marriages could mean guidance from elders based on faith and virtues. It doesnโ€™t negate choice but complements it with wisdom.
  2. Shared Values: In a Christian arranged setup, families would prioritize shared faith, ensuring that the couple starts their journey on a common spiritual ground.
  3. Emphasis on Commitment: Christianity emphasizes the permanence of marriage. If both parties enter the union knowing its sanctity and are prepared for commitment, it sets a solid foundation.
  4. Family Support: Such marriages come with the added benefit of family support. With families being part of the decision, theyโ€™re often more invested in helping the couple navigate challenges.

Challenges and Considerations

While there are potential advantages, one must also consider possible challenges. It’s vital to ensure:

  • Mutual Respect: Both parties should have equal say and respect in the decision-making process.
  • Continuous Communication: Open channels of communication between the couple and the families involved can address concerns or misgivings.

Challenges of Arranged Marriages in a Christian Context

  1. Lack of Personal Choice: One of the most significant challenges in an arranged marriage is the potential limitation on personal choice. Individuals might feel their autonomy is compromised, leading to feelings of resentment or entrapment.
  2. Potential Mismatch in Compatibility: While families might focus on religious and societal compatibility, individual nuances like personality matches, life goals, and personal habits can be overlooked.
  3. Pressure and Expectations: The weight of family expectations can be burdensome. The couple might feel obligated to stay in the marriage because it’s a family decision, even if they face issues.
  4. Emotional Disconnect: Starting a relationship without a foundation of personal affection can lead to an emotional disconnect. Building love and understanding can take time, and it’s not always guaranteed.
  5. Cultural and Generational Gaps: Sometimes, the elders’ choices are influenced by traditional values or outdated beliefs, which might not resonate with the younger generation’s aspirations and dreams.

Solutions for a Faith-Based Approach to Arranged Marriages

  1. Incorporate Individual Choice: While families can introduce potential partners, the final decision should rest with the individuals involved. A blend of family guidance and personal choice can ensure that the match is both suitable and desired.
  2. Pre-Marital Counseling: Churches and Christian communities can offer pre-marital counseling sessions. These can equip the couple with tools to understand each other, communicate effectively, and build a solid foundation for their relationship.
  3. Open Communication: Encourage open dialogue from the start. Families should be receptive to concerns or apprehensions from the couple. It’s essential to create an environment where both parties can voice their feelings without fear.
  4. Extended Courtship Period: Before finalizing the marriage, allow the couple an extended courtship period. This gives them time to know each other, understand their compatibilities, and develop mutual respect and affection.
  5. Update Traditional Values: While respecting traditions, it’s crucial to adapt them to contemporary contexts. Families should be open to integrating current values, ensuring that decisions resonate with modern aspirations.
  6. Community Support: Beyond family, the larger Christian community can play a role in supporting the couple. Through shared activities, group sessions, and community gatherings, the couple can forge bonds not just with each other but also with fellow believers, creating a robust support system.
  7. Emphasize Spiritual Growth Together: Encourage the couple to grow spiritually together. Activities like Bible study sessions, prayer meetings, or Christian retreats can help them strengthen their bond with God and each other.
  8. Regular Check-ins: Families should have periodic check-ins with the couple, ensuring their well-being and addressing any concerns. These check-ins can be informal gatherings or structured family meetings, fostering continuous support.


Arranged marriages, when approached with a Christian lens, can hold immense potential for deep, faith-rooted unions. However, like all relationships, they come with their set of challenges. By proactively addressing these issues and integrating solutions that prioritize individual choice, emotional connection, and spiritual growth, families can pave the way for marriages that are both traditionally grounded and individually fulfilling. It’s a journey that requires patience, understanding, and God’s grace, but the potential for a lifelong partnership rooted in love and faith makes it a journey worth undertaking.

Osoria Asibor