Intimacy and Emotional Disconnect

Barriers to Effective Communication – Excerpt from “Till Divorce Do Us Part”

Barriers to Effective Communication

Emotional Barriers

One of the most common yet complex barriers to effective communication in marriage is the presence of emotional barriers. Even in Christian marriages, where faith and shared values can provide a strong foundation, emotional barriers can hamper open dialogue and breed discontent.

Emotional Barriers Defined

In essence, emotional barriers are feelings or emotional states that hinder communication by blocking the flow of information or distorting the message being communicated. These barriers can stem from a variety of sources such as fear, insecurity, resentment, or past experiences.

The Role of Fear

Fear is one of the most crippling emotional barriers in communication. Whether it is the fear of rejection, judgment, or confrontation, it can prevent couples from addressing issues that need attention. The Bible counsels us against fear in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” When fear dominates, it limits our ability to give and receive love freely.

The Issue of Insecurity

Insecurity is another common emotional barrier. When someone feels insecure, they are less likely to communicate openly for fear of exposing their vulnerabilities. Insecurity can also make one overly sensitive to criticism, turning even well-meaning advice into a perceived attack. The Bible offers comfort for those wrestling with insecurity, reminding us in Psalm 139:14 that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made,” deserving love and understanding.

Resentment and Unforgiveness

Holding on to past hurts or misunderstandings can foster resentment, which is another significant emotional barrier. Resentment can make any form of genuine communication nearly impossible, as it alters the way messages are sent, received, and interpreted. Ephesians 4:31-32 advises, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” Resentment keeps couples in a cycle of negativity, and forgiveness is the key to breaking that cycle.


The Weight of Past Experiences

Experiences, especially those from previous relationships or even childhood, can also set up emotional barriers in marriage. These experiences can make us hesitant to trust, even when a situation does not warrant such caution. Philippians 3:13-14 encourages us to “forget what lies behind and strain forward to what lies ahead.”

Breaking down these emotional barriers involves confronting them head-on, preferably together as a couple and sometimes with the aid of counseling. The ultimate goal is to honor God in your marriage, and that means striving for clear, loving communication as exemplified by Christ himself.


Cognitive Barriers

Cognitive barriers are mental roadblocks that interfere with the free flow of communication within a marriage. These include misunderstandings, selective listening, information overload, and cognitive dissonance. Each of these plays a role in disrupting the understanding and intimacy that are vital for a healthy marital relationship.


Misunderstandings often happen when there’s a gap between what one spouse says and what the other understands. In many cases, this can result from making assumptions or not having all the necessary information. The Bible advises against such folly in Proverbs 18:2, saying, “Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” To combat misunderstandings, itโ€™s crucial to actively seek to understand your partner’s perspective.

Selective Listening

Selective listening is when you hear only the parts of the conversation that align with your existing beliefs or desires, disregarding the rest. This can be harmful to the open and truthful exchange of thoughts and emotions. The book of James reminds us to be “quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry” (James 1:19).

Information Overload

In our information-saturated age, the constant influx of data can create a sort of cognitive clutter, making it hard to focus on one-on-one conversations with your spouse. The Bible tells us in Psalm 46:10 to “Be still, and know that I am God,” encouraging us to prioritize quiet time and focus on the things that genuinely matter, like your marital relationship.


This is an excerpt from my book “Till Divorce Do Us Part

You can also learn more here about the fantasyย  of perpetual romance.


Osoria Asibor

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