Forgiveness (Part 5): Steps to Genuine Forgiveness

Forgiveness (Part 5): Steps to Genuine Forgiveness

Forgiveness: Steps to Genuine Forgiveness


Forgiveness is not just a religious tenet but a complex psychological process with profound implications for mental and physical health. For a Christian, it’s not merely a recommendation but a command from God. The journey towards true forgiveness can be arduous and emotional, requiring substantial introspection and spiritual guidance. This guide aims to provide a detailed roadmap to achieving this life-altering state of grace.

Self-Examination and Recognition

Identify the Offense

In order to forgive, you first need to pinpoint exactly what has been done to you. Was it a betrayal? A lie? Emotional or physical abuse? Write it down, speak it aloud, or discuss it in prayer; articulating the offense gives you power over it rather than letting it have power over you.

Acknowledge Your Emotions

Ignoring how you feel can create emotional barriers to forgiveness. Feel your anger, your sadness, your disappointment, and then acknowledge these emotions before God. It’s essential to validate your feelings as real and significant in order to move past them.

Prayer and Spiritual Reflection

As a Christian, your faith provides you with a unique avenue for understanding and healing. Dive deep into scripture, seeking passages that talk about forgiveness. Pray earnestly for the strength to forgive and the wisdom to understand why it is essential, both spiritually and psychologically.

Decision to Forgive

Make the Choice

The decision to forgive is an active, conscious choice. This is the turning point where you say, โ€œEnough is enough. I will not be a prisoner of my own resentment.โ€

Understand the Nature of Forgiveness

Many people misconstrue forgiveness as a sign of weakness or as an act that somehow absolves the offender of their wrongdoing. In reality, it’s an act of strength and self-liberation. It does not mean that what happened to you was okay. It means you are choosing not to let it control you any longer.

Work Through Your Emotions


Understanding the offender’s motives or limitations doesn’t excuse their actions, but it can provide you with a different perspective that may alleviate your anger.

Seek Support

Lean on trusted individuals for emotional and spiritual support. Your pastor, Christian friends, or a mental health counselor trained in faith-based therapy can offer invaluable guidance. Sometimes, talking through your experience helps in dissipating its emotional charge.

The Act of Forgiving

Confront or Release

Depending on your situation and emotional state, you may choose to confront the person who wronged you, either verbally or through writing. Alternatively, you may decide that your act of forgiveness will be a personal, internal event between you and God.

Offer Up a Prayer

Saying a specific prayer for forgiveness can be a deeply spiritual act that cements your decision. Pray not just for your own peace, but also for the person you are forgiving.

Maintaining Forgiveness

Watch for Backsliding

Emotions are complex and can resurface later, tempting you back into a state of unforgiveness. Each time this happens, itโ€™s crucial to remind yourself why you chose to forgive in the first place.

Cultivate a Forgiving Attitude

Forgiveness is a lifestyle, not a one-time event. Integrate forgiveness into your daily prayers and meditations. Make it a point to forgive small slights immediately as practice for the more significant issues.


True, genuine forgiveness is a complex process that involves multiple steps, each significant in its own right. Itโ€™s more than saying, “I forgive you”; it’s a layered, emotional, and spiritual journey. For a Christian, this journey is not embarked upon alone but is guided by the teachings of the Bible and an ongoing dialogue with God.

Osoria Asibor

The Concept of Forgiveness (Part 1): Psychological Aspects

Understanding the Concept of Forgiveness (Part 2): A Christian Perspective

Forgiveness (Part 3): The Psychological and Health Benefitsย 

Forgiveness (Part 4): The Barriers to Forgiveness

Forgiving (Part 6): When It Seems Impossible

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